A guide to "historical" feature films by actor:Liam Neeson:- His character will almost certainly die before the end.
- See: Michael Collins and Kingdom of Heaven.
- See also (not actually "historical" of course): Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
- Exception to the rule: Schindler's List.
Orlando Bloom:- Character will be either an archer (Troy) or a blacksmith (Kingdom of Heaven, Pirates of the Carribean).
- See also (not "historical"): Lord of the Rings Trilogy (archer).
Mel Gibson:- Film will be appallingly inacurate (Braveheart).
- Film will display an appalling anti-English bias (Braveheart, The Patriot).
- Film will be rubbish (see above).
- Exception to the rule: none.
Was Today a Good Day? (by Ice Cube) The Key Signs: - There was “No barking from the dogs [and] no smog" (are these two things are related?Do dogs bark more in smoggy conditions?)
- Your "momma cooked a breakfast with no hog" (Mr. Cube isn't keen on bacon or other pork derivatives).
- You "got [your] grub on, but didn't pig out [and] finally got a call from a girl wanna dig out" (you didn't eat too much at breakfast and you're on a promise with a young lady of your acquaintance).
- Whilst stopped at a traffic signal you looked in your rear-view mirror and found that there was "not a jacker in sight" (being 'jacked' means to be robbed at gun point, a common problem in South Central LA).
- You "got a beep from Kim [another young lady of your acquaintance] and she can "[fornicate]all night" apparently.
- You played a game of basketball and were pleased with your performance. Last week you "[fornicated] around and got a triple double". Whatever that is.
- After your game you drove "to the pad and hit the showers" and you didn't get "no static from the cowards" (yesterday they "tried to blast" you).
- You "saw the police" but "they rolled right past" you. There was no "flexin, [they] didn't even look in a niggaz direction as [you] ran the intersection"
- You visited your friend Short Dog's house and had a good run of luck at both dice and dominoes.
- Nobody "[you] know got killed in South Central L.A" (presumably somebody got killed but you didn't know them so that’s o.k.).
- You picked up a girl "been tryin to [fornicate] since the twelfth grade" (i.e. when you were both in high school together).
- Later when you'd done the deed she didn't hesitate to call you the "Top Gun".
- The "Lakers beat the Supersonics" (I thinks this has something to do with basketball).
- There was no "helicopter looking for a murder".
- At two in the morning you "got the fat burger" (an American delicacy).
- You even saw "the lights of the Goodyear Blimp". They claimed that you are "a pimp" (this is a good thing apparently).
- Despite being "drunk as hell" there was "no throwing up" (I for one can relate to that).
You "didn't even have to use [your] A.K. (You didn't find it necessary to employ a fully automatic assault rifle at any stage).
Is someone you know a psycho killer (qu'est que c'est (by Talking Heads)Signs to look out for:- They can't seem to face up to the facts.
- They’re tense and nervous and they can't relax.
- They can't sleep cause their bed's on fire.
- When they have nothing to say their lips are sealed (say something once why say it again?)
- They believe that "we are vain and we are blind".
- They hate people when they're not polite.
Advice:- Under no circumstances touch them as they’re a real live wire.
- In fact far better to run, run away (oh yeah).
Are you "Paranoid"? (by Black Sabbath) Top signs:- You finished with your woman 'cause she couldn't help you with your life.
- People think you're insane because you are frowning all the time.
- All day long you think of things but nothing seems to satisfy.
- You think you'll lose my mind if you don't find something to pacify.
- You can't see the things that make true happiness [and therefore] you must be blind.
- If someone makes a joke, you will sigh and they will laugh and you will cry.
- Happiness you cannot feel and love to you is so unreal.
Advice:- Find someone who can help you occupy your brain? (oh yeah)
- Find someone to show you the things in life that you can't find.
