Movie Musings 1

A guide to "historical" feature films by actor:

Liam Neeson:

• His character will almost certainly die before the end.

• See: Michael Collins and Kingdom of Heaven.

• See also (not actually "historical" of course): Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

• Exception to the rule: Schindler's List.

Orlando Bloom:

• Character will be either an archer (Troy) or a blacksmith (Kingdom of Heaven, Pirates of the Carribean).

• See also (not "historical"): Lord of the Rings Trilogy (archer).

Mel Gibson:

• Film will be appallingly inacurate (Braveheart).

• Film will display an appalling anti-English bias (Braveheart, The Patriot).

• Film will be rubbish (see above).

• Exception to the rule: none.